u dunno my family background, so something u said are off the
point. u see, it has a lot to do with my dad, the way he brought us
up. we were never allowed to question, to raise views contradictory
to his. so even if we do disagree, we have to suppress them. heck,
my brother cant even really argue with anyone, he will jsut burst
out crying. i was liddat once too, cos it feels like... i got so
much i wanna say to you, but i just cant. cos all along i have to
suppress my own thoughts, so much so tha tnow even if i wan to
argue out loud, i cant. only tears will come.
but i am more "fortunate" in a sense cos i am the eldest, i am the
spokesmen for my bros. they used to tell me things they wanna say
against dad but never did. so little by little i started to express
my own thoughts and my brother's for them. of cos being very tame
and mild in the beginning. but dad saw that as rebellion. and i am
hence forth labeled as that.
i can tell u that even now, whever i argue with my dad, i will
still cry. it's that strong instinct of suppression yet wanting so
much to express things that is so.... painful sometimes...
that is why until now, i'd rather supress things than to fight
against it and express it. i can express myself much better on
writing than in speech... but that doesnt help much.
